Tuesday, March 3rd, 2020
It’s the night of Super Tuesday, and the cable and broadcast television networks are running at full speed, counting down to poll closings with gigantic clock numbers on sets that largely consist of a cavalcade of bright synchronized led screens tossing up piles of infographics that, until the polls actually close, are not really all that informative.
They made a pact, you see, an ethical choice, they’d tell you, not to report their exit poll numbers until the polls have closed in that state.
And we have these time zones, and one incredibly populous state out on the western edge of the continental US.
So they make do with the characterization questions from those same exit polls. They didn’t pledge to hold off on those. Alabama voters are “angry”, more than anything else. Black voters in Alabama are really really angry at the President, and…oh, wait, the polls in Alabama closed. Now we can decloak these results and, well, look at that, huge votes for Biden from those angry angry voters.
This goes on state by state as the sun sets over the west. We won’t get to California before 11 pm eastern…two and a half hours from now as I type this.
Maybe there’s some way to reform this time-zone dependent way of voting and tallying? Dunno. Play the music and roll the graphics. Woosh!